A house full of guys.

can be a really different experience. =.= not to mention that it so totally kills privacy and feminism.

anywayy my CNY clothes this year all fits into a single plastic bag. which is saaaaadddd :( now i understand y as ppl grow, their cny clothes get less and less.. when i was little i used to wonder if mine would still overflow the luggage bag but now i know.. x)

i'm so damn excited to be going back hommmeee!!! if i were to stay here for cny i think it would just pass me by because nobody seems to be excited here.. a few days ago i went and got two big red lanterns to hang at our house's porch.. it makes the house so welcoming as they sway with the wind~ :D

so what have i been doing? uhhhh.. mostly just bumming around in my room Dx and u know whats worse? i bum at the wrong times of day.. until my whole sleep cycle is totally upside down by now... sleeping at 5? if go class wake up at 1045.. then come back and sleep again.. then dinner.. then bum around sumor.. it gets pretty boring here sumtimes.. yet i complain if my housemates overwhelm me too much with laughter and what nots.. so in conclusion i oso dunno whats my problem la xD

just now late in the evening the guys filmed a video for their law project kan~ and i filmed it for them? now theyre watching it in their room and i still cant believe my own voice O.O y do i sound so cocky wan?! like sum arrogant know-it-all.. with a very very heavy malaysian accent lor.. so i told mitchell i gotta learn how to speak properly right, and i wasnt kidding lor.. but still im afraid that i get influenced by the thousands of bimbos i meet at class every day.. and then riight? i'll talk like this? and im scared? =______=

weih and my face fucking horrible my mum's gonna throw a big big fit when she sees me GAAAHH!! i oso duwan wan okayy... but with my sleep cycle like this i oso dunno what to do.. its like every1 in this house sleeps at this time.. if i sleep any earlier oso they korek me come out wannn [YER i heard my voice again.] aiyah anyway i started doing face masks every day since yesterday but its abit too late.. sumor it turned really really sensitive after i changed my concealer?!! sigh. /sad

wokay~ so i think i'd probably post my next post after cny..
so HAPPY Chinese New Year everyone!!! :D

p/s : CHONGVIVIAN I MISS YOU SAVE KUEHKAPEK FOR MMMEEEEEE!!!

Uh?

first post in new house!!!
P1 seriously sucks here, yaknow? so most of the time when there's connection there'll be a long long line to check facebook and stuff.. no time to blog oso.. not there're much privacy anyway.. i get to blog now only because WeiHun's taking a nap =.= and the rest arent back yet..

anyway i started classes already!! i gotta say i should be really busy at the moment.. but just now i was in my room very determined to deconstuct a poem for my English class.. and then sumhow it ended up being a karaoke session. i prefer to do work at night anyway so it doesnt really matter.. :) plus my roomie moved out coz of unknown reasons i guess? so i have the whole room to myself to slaaaavvveee away.. [ update : a new roomie's moving in x) ]

i think.. ive changed.. sorta.. ShianRu told me sum days ago that she felt i wasnt the same anymore.. i guess all the growing up ive neglected for the past few years now come in a big spurt. x) either that or im just being really emo.. and ive been learning about literary criticism.. one of it explains about how our 1st interpretation relates really really closely to our current life situation.. and lately whatever song, movie, book or conversation i encounter i link directly to me being a very sad little person with no control over what's happening.. :(

so i think im just generally being emo.. i hope this is really just the beginning.. i dun wanna end up making the same mistakes i did.. i cant afford to backtrack and slack anymore..

sigh. this is getting more and more depressing. i shall stop now before i end up crying to Reesey again like i did yesterday x)

MOVING.

here finally comes the day i would pack my bags.. dump my whole room in the back of a car and speed off! :D i guess i finally made up my mind.. im still doubtful though.. but sod all the uncertainties im gonna crawl through my degree if i have to.


so. too much to update. but all of them are in circles anyway, so its basically the same thing over and over just switch dates..


i'm gonna be home this weekend!! somebody's turning 21~
and i miss my family.. x)

Christmas :)

Was spent with Boyfriend and my Family, on separate occasions.. For Christmas eve noel, wayshoon, mitchie and I went to midvalley for Avatar. We hung out at CoffeeBean for a while.. and i had to listen to geek talk again.. Seriously. And its weird that i cant really but still managed to catch up with what they're saying, and i can understand. Hee smart anot.

After coffee bean they played pool and i just sat in a dark spot trying to sneak kisses at Boyfriend whenever he walks past wtf. After pool its AVAAATTTAAAARRRR!!!! I didnt get tired of it. It keeps making me discover new things.. all the attention to the details! The colours! The splendour! The primitiveness! And the fact that every face in the tribe is different omg. And then after that we went back..

Then on Christmas Day went to meet up with my brotha who robbed me of whatever RM50 notes i have... CoffeeBean again with brownies this time.. OMG the brownies. I salivate just thinking about it. It doesnt help that when I start eating really slowly so that the piece of brownie would last, Boyfriend scooped up the whole thing and put it all into his mouth. =.= So after that we chao and i came back to the hostel.. and then at night went to dinner at Sentul. Its like near the very very last LRT station.. So can u imagine that my aunt stays a stone's throw away from the first station.. and then we went and had dinner at the very last. yep. i kinda almost fell asleep coz was rather tired adi..

Anywayyyyy. no pressies this year :(

but i got to spend quality time with everyone~! :D especially my aunts and cousins whom i admit i havent seen in a while although we stay quite nearby.. and Boyfriend.. you've been you are amazing. i kinda prepared a long i-am-so-thankful-ure-here-to-spend-Christmas-with-me paragraph but then to heck with it. Words dont do the moment justice. Oh except one phrase which is that i love you. hee

So. i really sleepy aredi lah.
I got no more books to reeeaaadddd..!
My bed looks so comfy.. well...... not exactly.. one corner where its nearest to the mirror is sorta like my dressing table.. shades, make-up, watch, extensions are all there.. the rest are all PILLOOWWWSSS!!!

O.O

okcyanitenite.

HOME!

in a few days at least :)

im feeling more n more excited coz i wanna tell my mum to get me more long pants wtf. and i wanna see that little brown curly-haired bouncing ball. :D guess u can guess from the tone of my voice that i feel better now.. but honestly, not entirely.. but it'll pass.. /scratches head.

went out today for a supposedly outfit hunt.. moon had to leave early, jess and i were so sleepy we went back around 4sth.. which is so not usual if its a girls' day out, but i slept at 3.45am coz i was finishing my assignment.. and then came home and online abit then crashed like nobody's business.

until my coursemates came to look for me wtf?! i dreamt i was at home and my mum was knocking the door asking me to go open the gate so she can back her car out.. sigh. the irritating moments that seem so significant when u cant feel it anymore. anyway.. they asked me for my notes la.. and then umm....... i didnt let them in my room.. which at that time WAS a complete fucked up excuse for a living space. its all clean and proper now.. i even made the bed even though im gonna crash on it after i finish this post x)

anyway.. the moment i realised my room was in such a sorry state i kept nagging myself about how im neglecting my own personal well-being again wtf. "how is anybody going to love you if you don't love yourself" shit so i cleaned it up.. and made HOT MILO AND CRACKERS heh. vian jeles anot x)

so that's my day :)

crashing in 3, 2......

Myself.

Last posted on : November 18 2009.

i think that statement hit me harder than ive expected.. i often think that if i dun blog often enough it ultimately meant either my life is so happening there really isnt time, or im hiding something that terrifies me to even type it out.

This post is gonna be both i guess.. But sod the happening part. There wasn't time because i never made time for myself. That one i came to realize the hard way and even now as I think about it, I realized i'm different now than i was years before.. I always tell others that people dont change, they adapt. I think i did too much of it, it sorta layers up on me and i am now a terrible mould of other people on top of my own genuine template. I lost myself. :( eventhough i promised i never will. (Secret Resolution 2.2 - Last modified NewYear's 09). sigh. I hate cleaning up. Especially if it means im doing it alone. But i guess this time i really have to do this on my own.. To strip clear of all that I learnt.. put it in a box. and keep what's worth keeping.. throw the fake parts.

THIS IS SO HARD!!!! why do u think it's labeled 2.2 for fuck's sake. ive been trying for 2 years to take my own stand. have my own take at everything. GROW SOME BALLS CLAWS. stop depending and ultimately shrink into sumthing that coexists with another. realise that i can still be alive if i just turn my head the other way for a few seconds.

Ive come to think that maybe what we are isnt all about what we do.. its about what we're capable of when we least expect it. But trust me this much, i dun wanna be able to see myself only after i lose sumthing really important to me. :(

OMG speaking of losing important stuff my Vaio fell sick. i think he needs a transplant. :(
gonna get it fixed when im back in BM.. Gonna get a dental surgery oso.. Wisdom Tooth Extraction!! so i dun think i can eat much when im home.. shall join my dad who eats only porridge and mee suah and really soft stuff now.. x)

did i mention my dad fell ill?

no of course i didnt. its one of those things i dread blogging about.. because reading it on my blog will make the issue seem insignificant.. even if i say i poured washing machine loads of tears..

he has PNS cancer. Stage 2.
undergoing Radiation Therapy 5 days a week, and Chemo once a week..

It sucks to watch him. coz all i can do is sit in a corner while he feels nauseous, puking into a basin every 15 minutes.. and talk to him 10 feet away because Shokubutsu smells worse than 50 tonnes of fresh swine poo to him.. after 3 days as the Chemo wears off, he could eat again..

He said he lost weight. I think i lost my smile.

And I've never felt more stressed in my life. I'm not usually the person who goes around screaming IM STRESSED in facebook. I used to get all "whats the big deal" on stressed people, convinced that whatever can be done if we just smile and get on with it, fuck the helplessness. but now im not so sure.. It sure feels good to know other ppl are more fucked up than me.. i wonder if its making me a lesser person.. :(

i dont sleep well now.. i dun eat like i used to.. im slowly becoming a wreck destroying everything in my way.. and all this while im subconscious about it.. sure, its easy to forget when im out with people.. when im reading books about other people.. but when u lie on the bed at night as the lights go off and u have that fleeting moment, sumthing of a very fine line between staying awake and falling asleep, u cant help wishing u live in ur dreams instead.. yet for most of these nights, i dun even want to dream because they make me wake up, regretting that i've ever slept at all. And there are still times when i just wish i can live in a photograph where everything doesnt go anywhere, no matter how messed up. The sick wont get sicker, smiles lives forever, and love doesn't fade. But thats not called living anymore.

So during these trying times, i put forth another part of me that sounds so optimistic, so strong and sure of myself.. but its all a show. A show to stop all the pitiful looks i get when i say i have a problem. Its weird really.. when I put on a mask to show everyone im brave, but i still hide under Boyfriend and expects him to drop everything to be there for me but sumtimes i think all he ever sees is me sitting on the edge of the bed ridiculously crying over cookies.

I wonder if i inherited this from my dad.. if he's doing the same thing im doing now.. because when i look at him at times he thinks im not, i see this pain that just radiates off his body as he slouches and just stare into space. Which makes me feel a lot more worse knowing the dad i know who's capable of slaying all the firebreathing dragons in my life and still cooks great food is only human after all. And like me, he still continues doing it because he just feels he should.

But then my life is not so bad.. I have a family that's still together through thick and thin.. A boyfriend I care about that cares in return.. my friends who are.... umm.. just special in their quirky ways.. and most importantly i have myself.. :) I keep forgetting that sometimes we get into so much of the details and try to make everything work that we forget to step back and see what we've already achieved..

Sigh. I'm sorry I seem like a faker. I'm not. I was just hiding.

meh!!!!

i think i have to change my name..

to Chong Feet Hurt.

luckily there's still a smile on my face :)

coz i learnt and still am learning so much from this clinical session..

i feel like i achieved sumthing /stands proud..

still tired though.

the balls of my feet sudah boleh makan coz they look so pink.

like the core of a medium well steak.

and when i walk i cant put pressure on my toes anymore..

its so painful!!!

everytime i tilt my heels to put my foot forward, the pressure goes to my toes right,

and its like STRETCHING whatever tissues are left of them and then i get geli coz the thought of any part of my body leaving me sounds appalling. =.=

ask my friends or people who crack their knuckles in front of me..

i freeze on the spot until u finish..

or i get amazed by the sound or the very action itself.

and and and.

we all do it to our toes as well right..

the big toe goes over the 2nd toe and craack!

can u make the 2nd one crack ur big toe?

i know one sole person who can do it.

and i miss him very much x)

okay im getting sleepy aredi..

always around this time, my body would tell me i should go catch Zs..

sad i know. its worse than school time wtf.

sigh. at least i had a satisfactory dinner of mee and eggs.. :D

i miss eating 3-quarter boiled eggs..

you know....

like half boiled but left longer..

then the eggs is aaaalllmooossst solid but not quite..

then if u cut the wonderful yellow almost orange yolk in half the liquid part still slowly flow out from the soft soft center.

and then for 2 eggs add 1.5 teaspoons of light soy sauce and 2 shakes of pepper and

OMG. heaven.

sigh. i love eggs.

er. fun meh?

even as i type this my eyes aredi closing...

and this is just the 1st daayyy... Dx

meh maybe i'll get used to it.. but its gonna be awhile..

my days now consist of driving walking walking walking driving sleep.

and doing the whole thing again..

i learned alot today though! :D

the batch of radiographers in Hospital Pulau Pinang are really fun people..

who said my killer heels are sexy wtf.

no more sexy shoes for mmeeeeee!!!!

too much pain. enough said.

anyway i got quite a few pictures la..

but....

i left them in my lab coat.

i lazy to take..

then i sleepy aredi now.

so nitenite.

imma go smooch boyfriend till i fall asleep :D

PrePosting Days

I'M DARN EXCITED!

tonight will be my last night of sleeping in this room until my posting month is over!!~~

i shall miss this room..

it's like home, really..

because it's comfortable and aircon-y and heater-y and everything's in a place.

plus its like a single room coz my roomie's not around most of the time..

oh well.

anyway i'm all packed and ready to go!!

my luggage kinda heavy larrr...

*prods books

was thinking of not bringing them.. but then even my lec said must bring.

especially Anatomy wtf.

and Procedures. the heaviest.

thats y lah! want glossy magazinepaper-y books for wat?!

so heavy sumor nvm.. under the light must read at a certain angle wan =.=

okay nvm.

anyway i will be going back on Sunday with Moon~

and then at night sleep at 9pm FML.

coz the next day needa get up super early around 5.30?

T-T

maybe posting's not so exciting after all...

and then and then this morning a bunch of my classmates and I went down to the lab right,

and then we attempted to do a full xray procedure..

position, shoot and develop..

:DD

syokness.

we took 3 shots..

the hand, elbow and foot..

using phantoms lah of course.. MsNurul who supervised us said she wont take any responsibility if we really did an xray on sth living..

"never do it in front of me" said she.

meilin... :D

can borrow ur turtle ar..? :DD

wait i just remembered we took 4 wtf.

andrew sabotaged one of it because while the film was gonna be developed he went and open the cover of the machine wtf.

then the film turned purple under exposure.. =.=

FAIL.

anyway it was such fun to actually do an actual procedure..

we were giggling and laughing away though.

imagine about 7 of us in white lab coats tap-tapping in heels all around the lab while giggling, making jokes wtf.
oh ya excluding Andrew who is obviously a gay guy.

the other day MrYoga said NEVER GIGGLE coz it shows unprofessionalism FML.
noowwww what am i supposed to do. =.=
i can never suppress  a giggle wtf.
i remember holding a laugh in for a full 5 minutes and then i just haad to burst out laughing while boyfriend carried on with his computer game.

oh and also never stand around..
his solution is pretty simple.

ACT BUSY.

he went on to give us examples on how to do it.. =.=
like opening and closing drawers.. look at notice boards.. check the patients' log books..
aiya the point is not to look bored.

MissNurul was cool about us frolicking around so i guess she understands the excitement of taking that first ever shot.

i'm not a virgin radiographer anymore coz i shot one!! :DD happy die.

i couldnt believe it though coz i thought it would be like sum flashing light but then it turned out to be a small "click" and "teet" and then done. wtf.

my friend even had to told me "ya okay aredi." then only i let go of the shoot button..

=.=

but the elbow i positioned was wrong lah coz no support-sponge to do a true Anterio-Posterior shot.

and then right MissNurul told us that the phantoms we were using contains real human bones in their respective plastic moulds.

and all of us went eeewuuurrgghhh~ but then got excited anyway.

anyway back to the procedure.. actually we did so many times because we wanted to ID the film correctly..

since there were so many of us and we were supposed to do everything singlehandedly,

nobody remembered which side is the ID box we made wtf.

but then in a real hospital the IDing is done by machines so no worries :)

and now jess is jealous of us coz we got to shoot at sumthing rather than thin air..

BWAHAHAHAHA

u'll get ur turn lah :)

heck maybe in the future u'd get so bored of it u dont want to shoot anymore.

so that's my preposting excitement.

i shall go sleep now :)

Of growing up in Style

sigh.

these are the times when i sit down..

and think about how life has passed me by..

and then eventually i'll get to thinking about my birthday next year..

and how i'm gonna be 21..

being 21 holds no significant meaning for me..

people say it marks the unlocking of freedom.. blablabla.

i doubt i can break free completely.

im not sure if i wanna grow up oso! *pout

maybe these can change my mind...

if i have a daughter i'd get her a Tiffany key wtf.

actually i went there coz i was browsing browsing thru facebook kan..

then saw this friend of mine..

and then she got pictures of her boyfriend and her together and they have this pair of rings..

so i squinted at them and cheh.

yes la i know la i sound like a sour green slimy monster with seven horns coz im jealous like that.

sigh.

anyway i gotta get to packing my one month's worth of stuff because i'm going back home!! :D

supposed to drive each day to posting and back...

then can eat home and save money heh.

im pretty excited!! i dunno the way though.. and i call myself a penangite. tsk.

anyhoooo.

i just remembered a Murphy's law from boyfriend's ipod that goes :

"if everything has never been better, u've overlooked something."

crap man.

i really need this chance.

oh well till the next time i post :)